The past couple months that we have lived in Oklahoma have been a whirlwind! We were all so excited about how we would be close to family and friends, get to be home (for me, Kenzi) for holidays and loved ones birthdays, and we were really looking forward to sharing with everyone the vision the Lord had laid on our heart about the work God is doing in northern Kenya.
Our first two months back were not as I had expected. I envisioned fun dinners with family, lots of laughter, eating with friends at some of our favorite Oklahoma restaurants, and to be busy. Now, all of that DID happen. But for starters, I did not expect to be sick with allergies all the time. I am not sure if this season was the worst ever but it sure felt like it for me. I would wake up sneezing, eat lunch sneezing, hang out with the family sneezing, eat dinner sneezing, and go to bed sneezing. I felt like I could not catch a break. Even with taking medicine, it was never ending. I actually thought about moving just so I could feel better.
On top of that, I felt like my body was falling apart to which I blamed having a baby on. One day my back would hurt--WHY?--because I had a baby, next day my foot would hurt--WHY?--because I had a baby, next day my arm would hurt--WHY?--because I had a baby. I had convinced myself that all women who had babies had the same problem and that it was probably normal.
While I was BEYOND excited to hang out and see family and friends, I had become so stressed out with making sure I spent enough time with everyone and that I was of service to them whenever they might need help. All of this because I kept hearing this little voice saying, "you are only here a short time so you better make sure you spend as much time with everyone as possible because you are choosing to leave them and move to Kenya."
Speaking of Kenya, I had to find time to share with people this great vision God has given us. We were so excited to share with everyone but I was beginning to feel stressed and doubted that anything good was going to come of it.
Needless to say, I WAS OVERWHELMED! At night I would cry and talk with Mark about it in hopes that he would somehow fix it and make everything better. But we didn't feel connected, our weekly prayer time (as a family) wasn't happening, and we both felt like we were carrying the others weight.
Finally, one week I decided to challenge myself to go on prayer walks everyday. This was a time I knew Emma would be entertained by nature and I could just walk, pray, and share my thoughts with God.
It was on one of those walks that I felt God telling me that I had let Satan get into my thoughts and that is what was causing all my stress. I was distracted and not focused on the ONE who had called Mark and I in the first place. I was believing all these lies of how I needed to make everyone happy, that Mark and I did not need to go on date nights because we would be together in Kenya, and no one will want to partner with us in going to Kenya because I was too scared to talk to people.
It was at that moment I decided to start praying through the lies and start saying what I knew was true:
I BELONG TO CHRIST.
In John 16: 33 Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
I had been so focused on taking matters into my own hands or expecting my husband to fix everything that I forgot to TRUST GOD.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding"- Proverbs 3:5
Sometimes LIFE can feel very overwhelming. We might feel out of control, stressed, and burdened, and seek others to help fix what is going on. But the truth is ONLY CHRIST CAN. I want to encourage any of you who might be feeling something similar to this to try praying and casting your cares upon the one who cares more for us than anyone else. 1 Peter 5:7 says,
"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
HE CARES FOR US! How amazing is that! Thank you Jesus! Something that I have learned is when we let Christ lead and direct our lives things tend to work out a lot more smoothly than when we take control. For that, I am so thankful!
I pray this has helped bless and encourage you today!
Blessings,
Blessings,
Kenzi
